Bracing for Impact
Retirement to Re(fire)ment
On Thursday, January 30, 2025, I retired.
LOL | OMG | WTF
The truth is, forty-four years in accounting and finance—a career I never really wanted—was enough. Yet, it was good to me…and I was very good at it. For most of that time, I cleaned up the messes of bad hires. My predecessors, who claimed to be accountants, were at best half-cocked, at worst completely unqualified. Believe me, I have countless stories, but I’ll save those debacles for the accounting nerds.
Accounting, at its simplest, brings order to disorder. Every entry is either a debit or a credit, pulling numbers and documents together from all kinds of characters and places. Procedures, rules, and standards set the framework. There are regular cycles, fiscal years, and audits. Pressure and frustration mount. People get nervous and tempers flare.
In the end, the numbers tell a story. They may not support the plot some had hoped for, or the bottom line might wildly exceed expectations. Characters are revealed to have done—or not done—their jobs. Their fate hangs in the balance. Whatever the outcome, the arc of the story is written, and there’s no turning back the clock. Order wins.
Just before a therapy session last October—when I was desperate to reconcile my plan to return to full-time writing with the reality of leaving a long, profitable career—it hit me. I finally understood why I had stayed with accounting all these years and why my need to create had ALWAYS clashed with it. I’d seen them as opposing forces, when in truth, they are one and the same.
This newfound awareness—that I thrive when putting order to disorder—suddenly made so much sense. It’s part of who I am at the core of my being.
Just as accounting reveals a story once the pieces snap into place, so does any explicit creative project—
Playing music, particularly the clarinet, is like observing the joy of my soul as it flows through the instrument. When I paint, images make their way from my mind onto the canvas. Writing pulls an endless array of ideas, conflicts, actions, characters, emotions, and settings from the ether of the universe and organizes them on the page. The story is told one note, one brushstroke, one word at a time. In the end, order triumphs.
This revelation was huge—at least for me. I wither in the face of perpetual disorder, chaos, or dysfunction. When I actively bring order to disorder, I thrive. I feel alive and purposeful. I am a conduit.
Retirement > Re(fire)ment
Recently, far out in the social mediaverse, someone I follow decided to alter their perception of what it meant to retire. For them, it was their time to re-fire. Sharing such a small change in their thinking created an outsized impression on me.
This first week on re(fire)ment has been a busy one. Eager to ramp up my writing time, I’ve been blasting on all cylinders, more than I even knew I had—or wanted. The flow of creative energy has felt overwhelming, coming in hot like a furnace. Ideas, actions, and pictures are swirling in my head and beyond, yet they all come together one word at a time.
It takes both experience and trust to know that the swirl will eventually manifest—trust in the creative process, trust in myself, and, most importantly, trust in a universal presence or energy that wants to unfold through me. In previous posts, I have written about my hesitation to trust in this creative essence again. But I find myself wanting to lean into a gentle trusting.
If not now, when?
In fact, the journey was already happening and had never really stopped happening. I may have been entrenched in the last vestiges of a worn-out career, not acting on much—even ignoring writing completely with umpteen excuses—but I’ve wasted no time unleashing my pent-up creative juices.
This week has been nothing short of seismic. Here are just a few projects in the works:
The first draft of book two—Murder in Capitol Hill—in my Detective Nick Bradner series has reached the midway point.
Researching QueryTracker for the next batch of agents to represent book one, Murder in Uptown.
Reworking and updating query materials for agents.
Developing a plan to implement “a human-centered approach to marketing” with We Grow Media.
Spending quality time with other authors and meditating with like-minded souls.
Why am I saying all this?
I’m not looking to pat myself on the back—well, maybe a little, and why not?—but in just a few short days, so much has changed. My inner landscape has begun to shift, to open, to breathe. The outer landscape is sure follow. I can’t say what this will look like, but the most important message I can convey to you—and to myself—is simply this:
When creative inspiration and expression come knocking, welcome and enjoy them, and stand in awe of the fireworks.
What I have been missing for two years has reappeared…burning with intensity. Ready to go. Ready to create. I get to look forward to filling my days with writing, creativity, and curiosity; to cultivating a consciousness of seeking, allowing, and surrendering. In time, I will learn to trust myself more and to listen more deeply to what this higher energy wants to express. But this moment—this present moment—is where the power lies, where my feet are firmly planted.
What am I working on today?
In book two, Nick Bradner and his detective partner, Christian Rajamoorthi, have discovered a few thorns in their relationship. Not coincidentally, their conflict revolves around trust (and maybe a few secrets). Art really does imitate life, and these characters’ lives are my art. We’ll see what happens, but if Nick and Chris don’t work it out, the consequences could be devastating for everyone, even for all of Seattle.
Next time I’d like to introduce you to my background as a writer—how it all began, where it took me, and how it transformed my life. I have produced a bit of an oeuvre over many years. I’ll also go on about my love for the coffeehouse culture and how it influenced my creativity, sharing a couple of my favorite bakery writing spots near where we live in the Emerald City.
Keep coming back…it works if you work it. À bientôt.
"Re(fire)ment exactly describes what I'm going through as I hope to get my first book published this summer! Great take-away!